i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize