The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
