You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
