ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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