dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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