Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
