Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize