so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
