I hate all girls vehemently.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
