At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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