we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
