You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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