I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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