So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize