Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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