i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
