stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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