About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
