And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
