The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
