he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize