She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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