How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
