I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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