come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
