I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
