That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
