I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
