that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
