he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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