I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
