I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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