I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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