I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
