Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
