Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
