i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I will be naked everywhere
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
