Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize