the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
