before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
