stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
