Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
