Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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