there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
