She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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