My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
