these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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