Non-Jews are for practice
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
This is my gift to your gina
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I think my moral compass just broke
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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