We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
