I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
