so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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