She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Randomize
