every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
This toilet bowl is my home.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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