im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize