I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
did i walk over a car last night?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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