It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
home. puking in laundry basket.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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