If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
