i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
