I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
