the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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