Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
