we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
