He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
