4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
