How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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