just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
