Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
