So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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