No stitches, just platelets and will power
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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