When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
