He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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