He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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