I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
