Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
