dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
