i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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