Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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