Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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