I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
