Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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