I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
