it was like eating out sand paper
Come see our sink grown plant.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
