Yo dont text me then not text me
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
