fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
