so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
