Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
