I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Randomize