just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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