He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
