VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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