You're completely useless in the revolution.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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