So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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