Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
PS: I just woke up from my shower
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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