You're my little dorito
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
