About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
