he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
