this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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