Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize