I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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