you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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